no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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