she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize