Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
