I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The ass gains better be worth it
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