It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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