I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
