I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
