imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
