i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize