Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
