She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
