I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize