Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
