I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Someone signed my nipple.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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