I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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