I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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