You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
