I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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