remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
