i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
