I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
