allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
