I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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