i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
