it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
