Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
