Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
