I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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