Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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