I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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