Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
