just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
