can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
