College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize