Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Pooping to opera.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
