the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
