The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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