I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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