Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
