So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
