conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
