Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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