watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
