Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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