There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
