Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize