So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
