on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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