allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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