So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
