i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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