i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
