Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
