So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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