Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
