you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
