The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
