Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
