apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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