you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did I show you my penis last night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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