I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
