yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
