Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
