There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
