I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
