I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
