Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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