I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
