Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
