absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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