I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
