Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
