Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
