is your mom at the bar?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
