how can u be prego again
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
