Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
