My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
