Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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