OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
