apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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