I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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