Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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