ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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