And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The air was thick with penises
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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