U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
