How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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