Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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