I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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