i permit you to call me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
