I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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