Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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