Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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