I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
