Where did you get a picture of my penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
