Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
