We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
