I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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