I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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