I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
