I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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