no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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