Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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