Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
