Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
