Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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