I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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