you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
