I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
