So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize