I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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