hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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