I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
