You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
